I want to go with you home...

Last night Alistair spoke this phrase to me. It broke my heart because I know he is in there and is struggling with everything going on. I told him we couldn't go home yet, but if he wanted me to stay with him I would. He said yes, so I did. Thus why there was no blog post last night!

Alistair had a pretty great day. When he woke up after sleeping for about 5 hours and was up for the day, he told his nurse he wanted to watch TV. When we got in he was alert and interactive. He told me he needed to go to the bathroom. So his nurse, who is a guy, and Seth assisted him with the bed urinal and he went. He did this again later in the day. His night nurse, who is a woman, and I had less luck with him using it. I think part of it is he is tired and possibly part of it was we aren't dudes! They pulled his foley catheter a few days ago because they didn't want to cause an infection, but he isn't always able to say when he needs to go, so they have him in some briefs just to be safe.

Alistair had a couple of popscicles yesterday. This was initiated because Troy, our nurse, gave one to Gillian. We decided to let Alistair try one. Seth helped him hold it and he seemed to enjoy it. I think something with flavor was good and probably something cold was also good. He had some more Vitamin Water too. We will bring in more today as he has run out. Anything that tastes good to him!

As I mentioned, Gillian came down to spend the night with us. Grandpa and Grandma went and got her for us. It was so good to see her, but yet sad for me for a couple of reasons. I didn't realize how much I missed her (which the decision to stay with Alistair last night made me feel guilty that I wasn't spending time with her). I also had kind of forgotten our family dynamic and walking with her to the hospital reminded me of it and made me sad that it will be different for a while. We did a lot to prepare her to see Alistair. We explained that he sleeps a lot, he doesn't move too much yet and he doesn't speak a lot. We also told her he had some tubes attached to him. She didn't seem to be too shocked by him, but kept asking Seth why he couldn't talk or get out of bed. When we were walking to the car afterward, she told me, "I feel really bad for Alistair!" I don't think she completely understands all that is going on, but we chatted this morning and she seems to understand he needs help and it is going to take a while.

Last night before bed he had another chance to sit on the side of the bed and dangle. He sat there for about 15-20 minutes minorly assisted and held his head up by himself almost the entire time. His strength is beginning to come back slowly. He has started to tremor, mostly at night, through his arms. Occasionally it turns into a full body shake and he looks at me and is obviously concerned. Neuro, through the continuous EEG, saw these the previous night and said there is no sign of seizure activity and this is all muscle related. They are still wanting to do an MRI tomorrow and we are for it if we can do it without sedation as we feel this would be a big set back for him.

I am really happy about all this progress and am getting on board with the he just needs time and it will all come back. But I am really angry that we have to celebrate that the can hold his head up and ask to pee in a plastic container in bed. We should have been out of he hospital by now and heading home in 2 days. I know there could have been set backs and things don't always go according to plans, but I never would have thought we would be dealing with these set backs. I am really trying not to think about our family with these new dynamics and thinking of it as temporary situation. I can't help but look at all our photos of Alistair and his brights eyes and personality and wonder if we will see it again. I am putting in all my chips with anyone listening that we can have our son, brother, grandson, nephew and friend back to himself with time.