Rose Colored Glasses Missing

Disclaimer for the following post: I am usually a glass half full, silver lining type of person. Today was my day to be the opposite of that. 

We called in this morning when we got up. His nurse said he had a good night, they pulled out his arterial line in his neck and one in his leg so that he could be more mobile today. The goal was to stimulate him more and get him moving. Seth and I walked in as we just wanted to get in ASAP and get things going. We watched movies and cartoons, showed him videos of him flying his airplane, the Blue Angels and the helicopter landing on the roof of the hospital. We showed him photos of people and places, read him books and played music for him. Seth, Judy and I took turns feeding him parts of his meal. David spent some time talking to him. I will say his face looked more toned today and not so relaxed and drugged out. His eyes were also a bit more opened and not quite so droopy. He pretty much stayed awake all day. He took a couple of cat naps, but nothing overally prolonged. 

Our attending from the weekend came in today and it was so nice to see him. He said based on the CT scan from yesterday that he thought Alistair just needs more time. But they decided to have a Pediatric Neurologist come evaluate him. He came in, asked us a bunch of questions, asked a bunch of things of Alistair and then left. He had mentioned the possibility of doing an MRI. But the rest of the ICU team was very anti-MRI as it means he needs to have sedative and we don't want to take THAT step backwards. There is an MRI scheduled for Monday, should he still be in this state. He did have an EEG this afternoon (EKG for brains) and it showed nothing, which is good. They decided to order OT/PT and had a rehab nurse come up to work with him. She told him she was there to work with him and help him get moving agian so he can be nice and strong for lacrosse. He seemed to respond to that and was cooperative.

Dr. Dearani came in to check on him this afternoon. After trying to talk to Alistair and get a reaction, he told us based on his neurology testing, his cardiac function, he thinks he just needs more time and that he will get there. Dr. Dearani seems to be a man who doesn't extend himself, he won't say anything he will have to retract. He also seems to have developed a soft spot for Alistair...he is a jazz fan after all!

Today was hard for me. I feel discouraged, disheartened and frustrated. I just want to HEAR him speak and interact with us. He moves and sighs in such a slow manner and his reponses, few as they are, are delayed. I don't even care about the physical part right now as I know that will recover. I just want my son who is chatty and will bore you to death with facts about airplanes at the the same time he is finding every angle to find a way to get a fish tank in his room. I want to hear about how excited he is to go to the beach and talk about minecraft and what he is going to design next. I will feel 120% better when he is talking to us again. I just need to know he is okay mentally. The rest is secondary. My mind knows this will all come together and that the medical professionals are telling me it will be fine and he just needs time. But my heart is heavy and sad and missing Alistair.