While upward trajectory is our goal, it isn't without some falling back. Alistair has been experiencing some back sliding in his progress in his upper body - arms, wrists, fingers and shoulders. He basically is curling in and losing function. This, we believe, is due to a new medicine he is taking and hopefully will be reversed through a change in medication. We notified Dr. Apkon last week after Brian, Alistair's PT, raised concern about his loss of range of motion over the past few weeks. We had noticed this too, but honestly thought it was due to the way tone works and how it can ebb and flow in it's intensity. Back in February we went to go see Dr. Ming, a neurologist at Children's who specializes in movement disorders. Dr. Apkon felt she would have some good insight into additional medications that could help Alistair break through the tone he has through his arms and hands. He has made significant progress in his legs and lower extremities. He runs, skips, hops and seems to be completely back to how he was before. But his arms and more specifically his hands and fingers seemed to be not responding as quick and we wanted to see if there was something more that could help control that tone so he could work on strengthening his muscles to help overcome the tone himself and start doing things like writing and drawing again.
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| We ran into Monte and his family at REI one day recently! The boys were so excited to see each other, I could barely get them to stand still take a photo! |
Dr. Ming was great and had some wonderful insight into what was going on. She put Alistair on a medication, Artane, that helps combat tone and spasticity and is used in treating Parkinson's patients. Once we were up to dose on that (through titrating up), we have been weening off the Sinemet he has been on forever. We (Dr. Ming and Seth & I) all felt it wasn't really doing anything for him. While maybe the Artane is contributing to his current state, I don't believe coming off the Sinemet is contributing to anything; simply because we just started weening off and this new tightness has been happening the past few weeks.
In the meantime we have to sit and watch Alistair lose abilities he was gaining. We wanted to see him break through and begin to write and draw more and now we are back to him using his hands like clubs and needing assistance with just about everything. Hopefully some medication tweaks is the answer. Dr. Apkon said something reassuring in her email, which I think she meant as a passing comment, which was, "with this type of brain injury, I wouldn't expect things to get worse." It made us feel better that that was the case, but then it is also ridiculous that that is our solace. Well, at least it can't get worse!
All of this sucks. Yesterday Alistair made the comment after struggling to put on his shirt for 20 minutes, "If I hadn't had my heart surgery, none of this would have ever happened." All I could say was he was right. And yes, he needed his surgery and yes, we have seen the benefits of him getting his heart repaired. But it came at a detrimental cost. New engine, but the car can't drive.
I have been finding myself more pissed off and angry lately, especially when watching him do things. Part of me wants to just do it for him so I don't have to watch him struggle and the other part of me sits there and silently gets angry about my broken son. Alistair has always been complicated, he was born complicated, he came home complicated and he has grown complicated. He didn't NEED to be MORE complicated. I'm not saying "why me?" It's just painful to be a parent and watch your child physically struggle with something you have absolutely NO control over. There is no quick fix. We can't lower his seat so his feet are closer to the ground or hold his hand until he gets his balance. We can't give him tips on holding the bat different or tell him to use two hands to catch. It's frustrating and gives you an absolute feeling of helplessness.
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| Meeting 'Dubs' The UW mascot at Huskey Fan Fest |



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